What Is The Conglomerate?
The Conglomerate is the self-declared governing body of a household in the American South. It was founded approximately eight years ago by Dexter Esq., a 12-year-old Shih Tzu / Bichon Frise mix who believes — with absolute conviction — that he is the chairman of a legitimate government.
This website is his official government portal, launched in 2026. The Conglomerate itself is much older.
The Premise
Dexter runs his household the way a paranoid head of state runs a small nation. Every minor domestic incident — a vacuum cleaner turning on, a bath being drawn, a bird landing on the porch — is treated as a matter of national security, catalogued with a filing number, and entered into the permanent record.
He has been doing this for years. There are filing cabinets. Muva (his personal scribe and food administrator) has been documenting his rulings, grievances, and observations since the Conglomerate’s founding. The physical archive is extensive.
This website is what happened when the Chairman decided to move his government to the cloud. Some documents you’ll find here are fresh dispatches — new incidents, breaking aviator intelligence, real-time grievances filed against household staff. Others are old records being digitised from the physical archive, some dating back years. The Conglomerate is not a new blog. It is an old government that just got a website.
How to Read This Site
Everything here is written in-character as official Conglomerate documentation. The tone is dry, bureaucratic, and deadly serious — which is the joke. A few good starting points:
If you want to laugh immediately:
- GL-008: The Snake Hat Incident — Someone put a tiny hat on the fake snake. The Chairman considers this an act of institutional sabotage.
- TP-001: The Conglomerate v. The Aviators — A full tribunal transcript. The birds retained a lawyer.
- CR-002: The Concept of “Bath Time” — A formal cultural review of bath time as an instrument of state oppression.
If you want to understand the world:
- MN-001: State of Affairs — The founding manifesto. How and why the Conglomerate was established.
- About the Chairman — Dexter’s official (self-authored) biography.
- The Constitution — The foundational legal document. Ratified in silence.
If you want the lore:
- MA-002: The Fish Medicine Doctrine — The Chairman’s grandfather was prescribed fish. The Chairman has opinions.
- FI-008: Birds Aren’t Real — A threat reclassification report. The aviators may not be what they seem.
- GL-004: Phantom Ball Syndrome — The Chairman was neutered twelve years ago without consent. He has not moved on. He has filed paperwork.
The Cast
| Character | Role | Status |
|---|---|---|
| Dexter Esq. | Chairman of the Conglomerate | Supervising |
| Luna | Chief Enforcer. Also known as “So Hard.” | Patrolling |
| Fava | Household staff. Under sustained review. | Probationary |
| Muva | Personal scribe. Food administrator. | Generally satisfactory |
| Bruv Bruv | Conditional ally. Loyalty fluctuates with snacks. | Watched |
| The Aviators | Birds occupying the porch. Primary threat. | Hostile |
| The HOA | Rival bureaucracy. Does not recognise sovereignty. | Noted |
The Filing System
Every document on this site has a prefix:
| Code | Category |
|---|---|
| GL | Grievance Logs |
| MN | Manifestos |
| PR | Personnel Reviews |
| MA | Medical Advisories |
| SR | Situation Reports |
| FI | Field Intelligence |
| CR | Cultural Reviews |
| DC | Executive Decrees |
| DS | Directives |
| OL | Open Letters |
| TP | Official Proceedings |
| CZ | Citizen Rulings |
| IO | Internal Operations |
| CH | Chairman History |
Is This Real?
Dexter is a real dog. He really does wear a bathrobe. He really does sit on the couch and supervise. Everything else is, regrettably, his interpretation of events.
The Conglomerate is not a recognised government. The HOA has not responded to our correspondence. The birds continue to nest.
Can I File a Grievance?
Yes. The Office of the Chairman accepts complaints from the public.
“Do better, be better.” — Dexter Esq., Chairman of the Conglomerate