Medical Advisories

FILED RECORDS — 4 ON FILE

MA-004 21 March 2026 [URGENT]

Medical Advisory 004: On the Phenomenon of 'Cute Aggression' and the Chairman's Formal Request for Protection Under International Law

The humans have a name for it. They have studied it. They have published papers. And not one of them has been arrested.

Filed by: Bureau of Medical Dignity

MA-003 19 March 2026 [ACTIVE]

Medical Advisory MA-003: Cold Floor Exposure Syndrome and Mandatory Workplace Safety Protocols

Official health advisory regarding systemic environmental hazards in household workspace and the physiological consequences of unmitigated cold-floor exposure.

Filed by: The Office of the Chairman

MA-002 14 February 2026 [ACTIVE]

Medical Advisory 002: On the Application of Fish to Papaw and the Vindication of Canine Medical Philosophy

Human medicine has, at long last, discovered what dogs have known since the beginning of recorded barking: fish heals.

Filed by: Bureau of Medical Dignity

MA-001 24 January 2026 [ACTIVE]

Medical Advisory 001: On Phantom Ball Syndrome and the Ongoing Failure of Recognition

They are gone. I know this. But I feel them still — a weight that is no longer there, pressing against the morning air like a memory that refuses to be neutered.

Filed by: Bureau of Medical Dignity