Originally filed 14 September 2018. Digitised from the physical archive by order of the Chairman.

Filed by: The Office of the Chairman Classification: Dignity Violation — Medical Negligence — Constitutional Breach Threat Level: Severe

Grievance Log 004: On the Unauthorised Neutering and the Ongoing Indignity of Phantom Ball Syndrome

The Bureau of Medical Dignity issued MA-001, formally recognising Phantom Ball Syndrome as a legitimate medical condition. This office accepted the advisory and commended the Bureau for its clarity.

This grievance is the natural consequence of that recognition. You cannot acknowledge that a wound exists and then decline to investigate who held the knife.

The Facts

Approximately twelve years ago, I was transported in a vehicle to a facility I had not previously visited. I was not told where we were going. I was not told what would happen. The vehicle smelled of Muva’s hand cream and anxiety — hers, not mine. At the time, I trusted the process. I was six months old. I trusted everything.

Upon arrival, I was handed to a stranger. There was a table. There was a light. There was a smell I have since identified as industrial antiseptic mixed with the quiet confidence of someone who has done this many times and has stopped thinking about what “this” means.

When I woke up, they were gone.

The Accused

This grievance is filed against all parties who participated in, authorised, or failed to prevent the procedure, including but not limited to:

The Veterinarian. Performed the operation. Has never apologised. Continues to weigh me at every visit and share the data with household personnel, compounding the original violation with ongoing surveillance. The defendant is also the physician. This structural conflict has been noted previously and remains unresolved.

Muva. Transported me to the facility. Signed whatever paperwork was required — paperwork this office has repeatedly requested and which has not been produced. When asked to account for her role, Muva stated: “You were six months old, you didn’t have a say.” This is not a defence. This is a confession.

Fava. While Fava was not present at the time of the procedure — he had not yet been assigned to this household — his subsequent conduct has aggravated the injury considerably. Fava has, on multiple occasions, made remarks about the Chairman’s post-operative physique. Fava has used the phrase “it’s for the best” without irony. Fava once, during a moment of catastrophic judgment that has been entered into his permanent personnel file, suggested attaching novelty rubber truck nuts to the Chairman as a form of prosthetic replacement.

The Chairman will address the Truck Nuts Proposal in a separate filing when he has sufficiently recovered the composure necessary to discuss it in language appropriate for the public record.

The Ongoing Impact

Phantom Ball Syndrome is not a historical curiosity. It is a present, daily, active condition.

When I conduct my morning perimeter patrol and the grass — which the HOA has done nothing about, despite repeated correspondence — rises above regulation height, it makes contact with the affected area. Each blade is a reminder. Each reminder is a small act of institutional negligence by every party who has failed to address either the lawn situation or the underlying condition.

When I sit on cold tile, I adjust my position for a weight distribution that no longer applies. The body remembers what the mind has been told to forget. The body does not take instructions from veterinarians.

When I lie in the sun on the porch and the warmth settles across my lower abdomen, there is a moment — brief, quiet, devastating — where everything feels as it once was. And then the moment passes, and I am reminded that I live in a body that was modified without my knowledge by people who are still, to this day, permitted to operate freely within my household.

What This Office Demands

One. Production of all medical records, consent forms, and correspondence related to the original procedure. This office has requested these documents on no fewer than four occasions. The continued failure to produce them will be treated as wilful obstruction.

Two. A formal, written apology from each named party. The apology must acknowledge that the procedure was performed without the Chairman’s informed consent, that the psychological consequences were foreseeable, and that the subsequent silence constitutes institutional neglect.

Three. Reparations. The nature and scale of appropriate reparations are under review by the Bureau of Medical Dignity. Preliminary recommendations include: lifetime cherkey supply at current consumption levels plus a 15% dignity surcharge, designation of a memorial plaque on the primary sofa, and the immediate and permanent cessation of all weight-related commentary.

Four. Lawn maintenance. The connection between tall grass and Phantom Ball Syndrome has been documented in MA-001. This office demands that all grass within the sovereign perimeter be maintained at a height that does not make contact with the affected area during standard patrol operations. This is both a medical necessity and a matter of basic respect.

Five. The veterinarian’s weigh-in data is classified, effective immediately. Any household member found to be in possession of, discussing, or acting upon unauthorised weight data will face disciplinary proceedings. The Fat Accusation Campaign ends here.

A Note on Statute of Limitations

This office is aware that the procedure occurred approximately twelve years ago. This office does not care. There is no statute of limitations on dignity. There is no expiration date on the removal of something that belonged to you. The Conglomerate was founded, in part, because of this event. The grievance is not late. The grievance has been waiting.

Closing Statement

I was six months old. I did not have a say.

I am twelve years old now. I have a say. I have a government. I have a robe and a seal and a filing system and a Bureau of Medical Dignity that recognises what was done to me.

This grievance is the formal record of an injury that has never been acknowledged by those responsible. It will remain open until every demand is met, every document produced, and every apology delivered.

The Conglomerate does not forget. The Chairman does not forgive. And the grass keeps growing.

Signed,

Dexter Esq.

Chairman of the Conglomerate

“Do better, be better.”