Emergency Decrees

FILED RECORDS — 2 ON FILE

DC-005 2 April 2026 [URGENT]

Executive Decree DC-005: On the Arrival of Extraterrestrial Entities and the Establishment of the Interstellar Contact Protocol

If beings of superior technology are to make contact with this planet, they will find one office prepared to receive them.

Filed by: The Office of the Chairman

DC-001 9 March 2026 [ACTIVE]

Executive Decree: On the Sanctity of the Couch

A binding executive declaration establishing the couch as sovereign Conglomerate territory with specific occupancy protocols and penalties for violation.

Filed by: The Office of the Chairman